it has become clear to me recently that for some reason I mirror my feelings onto others. my resentment, my anger and my low self worth are all part of the mirroring process.
I understand I do this to people but I can not stop myself. its called the life and death instinct apparently. according to freud self destructive behaviour is an expression of the energy created by death instincts. When this instinct is directed to others it is expressed as aggression or violence.
so in simple terms I will spend my life building myself up using the life instinct to want to progress and be a better person however the death instinct that I so clearly have will the destroy my hard work so I have to start again.
and how do we fix this??!?
by talking apparently, which I do, I have discussed my past, my present my expectations for the future however I still have the need to destroy myself and to mirror my feelings onto others so I can make them feel like I do, and to be honest I hate being this person. but its who I am.
I believe its not what’s in my conscious that is the problem its what is in my sub- conscious that is causing me these issues, these will be things I have purposely forgotten and buried to save myself from them. however they are clearly still haunting me in some way so maybe now its time to start digging and exposing what I have hidden from myself